Greetings from Singapore,

This past week, i had the honor of joining international speakers David Avrin, the visibiliity coach and Debra Fine, the queen of small talk, at a half day workshop entitled “create impact at work. The event was hosted by ST701, the innovative job portal assisting job seekers and employers to learn more, have more fun, and connect more. It was a terrific half day event and i would like to thank Diana, Christina and Elsie, for their superb support and encouragement. 

Following the session, one of the participants asked me about losing a job and how does one get back into the job market, especially after several years.

As i had just finished my motivational talk called “Empower the Workplace with Power and Passion”, was pretty energized, i simply suggested that he move to ACCEPTANCE, let go of the past and move forward into a new reality. Reflecting on this feedback, it dawned on me that perhaps some additional information may have served him.

In fact, that evening, as i was watching a television program called HOUSE, my favorite show, the main character Dr House, wrote down the Five Stages of Grief, which i am including here as it may serve to increase awareness about the stages of grief that many people go through during times of mourning.  

Printed with permission, it is my intention that this article may serve to shift friends, family and foe to a even more positive, resourceful and nurturing state. 

The 5 Stages of Grief

By Single Parent Central,
The Home of Guerrilla Single Parenting.
Consumer
Single Parent Central
The Online Resource for Single Parent Families.
Death of a spouse or breakup of a marriage or long-term relationship can trigger similar responses in a person. Each person mourns a loss differently. However, there are 5 common stages of grief a person goes through when mourning the loss of a relationship. These were adapted from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, ‘On Death and Dying’

You may not experience these stages in one fluid order. You may go through some of the stages more than once. Sometimes an event will trigger you to experience one of these stages again. For instance, cleaning out the basement and finding an old shirt of your deceased spouse or hearing your ex-partner is to remarry might cause reoccurrence of certain stages. The five stages of grief are:

1. Denial – The “No, not me” stage.

This stage is filled with disbelief and denial. If your partner has died you still expect him to walk through the door. If your partner has asked for a break-up you think that she will change her mind.

2.Anger/Resentment – The “Why me?” stage.

Anger at the situation, your partner and others are common. You are angry with the other person for causing the situation and for causing you pain. You might feel anger at your deceased partner for dying. You may feel anger at your partner for asking for a divorce and breaking up the family.

3. Bargaining – The “If I do this, you’ll do that” stage.

You try to negotiate to change the situation. If you’ve lost a spouse to death you might bargain with God, “I’ll be a better person if you’d just bring him back”. You might approach your partner who is asking for the break-up and say “If you’ll stay I’ll change”.

4. Depression- The “It’s really happened” stage.

You realize the situation isn’t going to change. The death or break-up happened and there is nothing to bring the other person back. Acknowledgement of the situation often bring depression. This could be a quiet, withdrawn time as you soak in the situation.

5. Acceptance – The “This is what happened” stage.

Though you haven’t forgotten what happened you are able to begin to move forward.

Suggestions when you find yourself suddenly single

Avoid long term legal decisions. If you are in an emotional state its better to put off long term legal decisions until your thinking is less cloudy.

Drive carefully. It’s easy to become distracted when you are grieving so use care when you get behind the wheel.

Seek support for your kids and yourself. Your kids are grieving along with you and will need support. It might be wise at this point to have separate grief sessions apart from your children if you’re experiencing anger and resentment.

Maintain rituals. The children most likely will feel insecure and abandoned at first. Maintaining the same patterns of holidays, birthdays, Saturday outings, etc. will give them a sense of normalcy and consistency.

Nurture yourself. You need to care for your spiritual, emotional and physical health. No one else will do it but you. Take care of yourself as well as you take care of your child. Eat healthy, exercise and take vitamins. Allow yourself to grieve and give yourself as much time as you need to adjust to what has happened.